Ancient Greece

I got our vehicle on Sunday. Still figuring out whether or not to ditch me calling the bus mine. Sofia calls it ours but I switch pretty frequently or have to correct myself from "I" to "us."

The more time there is to do nothing--no required labor that provides for my existence--the more threatening boredom can become. Looking at the ancient philosophers, they argued that freedom was only allowed when Man was provided the means for their existence without their personal labor. In ancient Greece this came in the form of slave labor. In my case in came in the form of an insurance pay-out of a hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I do tend to sit here on certain days and wonder whether or not this is freedom. There is Henry Miller on one shoulder reminding me of bible passages, "look at the lilies of the field, they neither toil nor spin," and on the other the Buddhist phrase, "before enlightenment chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment chop wood and carry water." We wonder what is the basis for the "good life" but maybe there is too much judgment in that question to be at peace.

Haven't maintained a steady meditation practice. On the days that I do things
start
to slow down and I feel much
more
at ease.
The seeds of doubt
of judgment
Speed me up.

Plus I've started smoking again.


Sofia was balling when she heard her sister
Was getting married.

Her face was scrunched
and her shoulders lifted
and trembled
In a familiar kind of way

"After all that we've been through
I'm just
so
Happy for her"